If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
