Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
