He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
