Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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