he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
