What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
