He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
