please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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