thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
