A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
