it wasn't lemon gatorade
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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