Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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