As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
