Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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