just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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