are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
