Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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