dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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