After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
