Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
