I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
