**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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