So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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