Me too!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
