im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize