I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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