Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
