I need help removing her.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize