very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
