Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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