I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
farters have to be the big spoon...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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