its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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