In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
