Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Randomize
