my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
