i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
the raccoons are back...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
