i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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