he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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