I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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