We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
