No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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