i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
