I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
