I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
