Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize