Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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