3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
