When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
