I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
