what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
