at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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