dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize