my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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