i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
