Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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