ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
