my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
