I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
nutella sex= disaster
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize