so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize