my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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