I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
