They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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