we have officially lost it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
