Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
