I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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