By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We left the knife in your bed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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