Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
