why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
