I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
