soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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