What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
